Tuesday, February 17, 2015

AparajitaTumi - (Undefeated You)

Movie poster from the Internet

This movie's target audience was NOT me. But some people liked it enough to give it a 6.2 rating on IMDB? Why????

After I checked IMDB rating!
May be they genuinely liked it or maybe they are sadist bastards who wanted me to go through what they went through..UGHH!!!

This is a story about rich bastards who have achieved pretty much everything you can dream of.

Then one fine morning the protagonist (Proshenjit) thought screw this.... life is just too great let's screw it up..  let me have an affair with my friends' wife.
Then it turns out he has brain tumour and then all is magically fixed in his life.

Take home message from this movie is twofold:

1. Please have affairs- as long as you have a terminal-ish illness in the end all will be forgiven.
1a) or is because he had brain tumour he lost his sense of reasoning? Now that is the question.. told you the movie is tooooo deep for me to understand.

2. Mistresses -  If you left everything you had in your life to be with this married guy and then you find out he is really boring and is almost dying - all hope is not lost! His ex- wife will come and take care of him! You can be on your way to greener pastures. You will not be stuck with him.

But man was the movie SLOWWWWW...

if it was me, I would have fast forwarded it and watched the entire movie in 20 minutes ..

But it was family day and my I was watching it with my family. My dad never lets me forward anything, ever !! No not even songs... Because he is very positive person and even when we have given up, he has this hope that it might get better!

In this case it did not get better.

I think, hey focused so hard in capturing the whole bengali NRI sentiment they forgot that the movie needed a story line..

So this is probably what happened before they handed in their script:

Script writer 1: It's been a year we have been researching Bengali NRIs. I forget, were we supposed to do something else here?

Script writer 2: Umm, no I don't think so. I'm pretty sure we supposed to eat, drink and be merry

Directer calls and he is on speaker :

Director : Hey how is that script coming along?

Script writer 1: Script??.. ( "what script?" whispers to his colleague")

SW 2: Great sir, great! (motions his colleague to shut up)

D: Do you think you will be done by Monday? It has been some time and I have already paid for the shooting locations.

SW 2: Sure sir, that is more than enough time to put some finishing touches.. you don 't even worry. in fact it will be done way, way way before that.

D: SW2, today is Friday night..  how can it be done way way earlier? Just call me when you two morons are done writing it.

D hangs up

SW1 & 2: SHIT..... what do we do now??

And that's how Aparajito tumi was created!

Friday, February 6, 2015

Visit to Shib Thakurer Apon Deshe...

Where " Ayin - Kanun" is Sorboneshe...

So, I'm back from a real quick trip to motherland-  And here are some of my observations that I want to share with the world and my fellow probashis...

Okay so first things first - Chief Minister of West Bengal is Mamta Banerjee... ok.. just remember that.. what you have a bad memory??

Don't worry!!

You can never EVER forget who the Chief Minister is, when you are in Kolkata or West Bengal for that matter - why you ask? 

Well, ground breaking memory research that has been happening in Kolkata has told us that repetition is key and so you will find every intersection of this densely populated state to be adorned by this pretty lady's pictures... different poses, same saree (in West Bengal we believe in living within our means!!!) 

and when there are no pictures there are clues all around the city - her party's colours blue and white to remind you who is in charge. 

You can NOT miss it.. unless you are visually impaired in which case, you can touch it and read the braille, inscriptions which says blue and white.. ( I better get credit for this, when this actually happens)

Blue and White is EVERYWHERE - on the streets, trees, busses, taxis, buildings, people, stray cows, dogs, cats (okay not quite on the animal yet - but that is the next action item on the project list. You see, we have a lot of free time --> we have fixed the infrastructure, controlled population, created jobs, abolished poverty and polio, so I mean... what else should we be doing? )

Soon, if your suitcases are not filled with blue and white clothing you will be denied entry into the city.. hey! it is HER city and she can do whatever she fancies.. 

Now, Ladies and Gentleman this is called leaving a mark on history, you see - a scar is also a mark.. but it is a mark nonetheless, right?

Can you imagine how many jobs this project must have created?? Nano factory has nothing on us.. yes, that's right rest of India, we don't care for industries.. We don't need any industries or jobs for that matter.. We can and  will paint the town black.. oops I mean blue and white.. Bengalis are known to be the sensitive, artsy type.. so this what we do!

And any of those practical Bengalis looking for a stupid 9-5 jobs that pays money... go to Pune, Mumbai, Bangalore or Delhi.. let us sit back, relax and enjoy our new MP Dev's Bangla movies where Mika Singh, sings Punjabi item numbers and scantly clothed Videsi girls randomly dance in the background... Singing in Bangla is just so last century! Who even does that, anymore??

Oh, by the way if you want to watch Parmabrata's "Lorai" that has substance - you better be ready to catch the morning show at Inox. 
If you can't be ready to catch the 9 am show at Inox, be prepared to hike to some shitty standalone theatre in some obscure part of the city.. because all the prime time shows at the multiplexes have been taken over by the latest mainstream Hollywood or Bollywood movies. 

What is that you say? Promoting local talent? Now, why would we do that? SRK is the ambassador of Kolkata and not Parambrata.. and so why should we be wasting any money on anything that is local? Are we stupid??? We would rather invest that in buying blue and white paint or golden coloured bangles for girls that need education!

Oh and you dare not say anything aloud or comment about it on any social media platform -------> Big Sister is watching!

And that was my rant.... Enjoy your day!