What does Sine curve and 22 Jump Street have in common?

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 IMDB  has a 8.1 rating from 13,000 voters for 22 Jump Street. There is so much chatter as to how it is so much better than the previous movie, but I'm sorry, I disagree!

 Now, now, I am a grown up and I just don't like a movie because it has Channing Tatum in it. I have sound judgement now and Mr. Tatum had no role to play in my decision making process to watch this particular movie. I swear.. I mean look at his face..  you think his smouldering good looks can convince me?

Well okay, may be a tiny bit, but that's it!

But seriously though, I was disappointed with the movie. Don't get me wrong, it was funny and in some instances hilarious - but it wasn't interesting. As in the story didn't have any meat. They focused way too much on being funny and way too less on the story line.

I compare the movie to a sine curve - it was good and then it was bad and then it was good again and it was repetitive.. just how Wikipedia defines sine curve!

There were some sub plot line whose significance I failed to understand. It didn't take the movie forward, it didn't really see how it contributed to the story other than proving a point that it is different than last time.

Example :
Channing Tatum being a jock ! Okay you are trying to portray that high school was awful for Jenko and college was awesome but how did that help us catch the drug dealers? They didn't really get to the drug source. Yes he became really good friends with the football players and that gave us some hilarious moments of Schmidt trying to fit in but that was not unexpected funny!
I thought it was very used and abused real life -fat-guy-is-not-as-fit-as-a-jock kinda obvious funny which is very last season funny.

What I think we liked about 21 Jump Street was the fact the not so popular wannabe Slim Shady of a decade ago was instantly popular with the cool kids of today! The audience wasn't expecting it. The punks and the drug dealers weirdly cared about the environment and the nerd kid of the 90s actually blended in really well with the popular ones!

But 22 Jump Street had nothing like that.

They latched on to "bromance" that they started in the previous movie - "Will you go to prom with me" and just went on and on to  the point it lost it's novelty and was no longer funny!

Summary of the movie : The "partners" fought, they made up and they kicked the gangstar's ass! THE END!

Before I sign out for today let's just talk about the action sequences shall we?

Was this a big Hollywood break for a struggling Bollywood action director? Or was it a cruel joke played on a poor Bollywood action director who thought he made it in Hollywood, only to find out the only reason he was picked was to enhance the comedy factor in the film !

 Channing Tatum doing Dhisoom dhisoom was fine.. But Channing hitting the Gang-sTaz with the legs of a drunk girl who was sitting on his shoulder.. really?
Channing Tatum jumping on to a helicopter after being hit by a bullet in his arm from the top of a building? REALLY?

Let me make one thing super clear here folks! Only and ONLY Akhshay Kumar has the right to do that and nobody else!

Ridiculous! You are just going to watch a Khiladi movie, get inspired by our super awesome stunts and as a hard core Bollywood movie fanatic we would just let that slide? In "Didi"'s words NEBHARRRRR!!

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Watching Koffee with Karan? You are helping science!

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- Salman Khan is a good person, but he doesn't choose the right company.
-  I know! He is always surrounded by these people that use him as a ladder in the film industry and then throw him away.
- Which is exactly why SRK chooses to keep in touch with only a select few and keeps to himself.
- Arey, SRK needs time to relax, reflect and rest after working almost 16 hours a day!

My wisdom and knowledge of Bollywood industry will have you convinced that I have made it big in Bollywood and hang out with the A-listers often.. 

But let me share a secret, it is a TV show called Koffee with Karan (KWK). It is a celebrity chat show hosted by Karan Johar who also makes Hindi movies for "Indians globally" (read NRI, Officially: non- resident Indians aka Not-required Indians).

K.Jo. Introducing me to his Talk show!

I used to be a binge watcher of this show in my younger days, when I didn't relaize the value of time and how time is money.. (Now I'm older and wiser!)

I knew I had a problem, so being the  sensible student I was, I always set limits on my self.
"Okay," I used to tell myself, "It is only 7 pm, I'm going to watch this ONE episode and then seriously buckle down and study for my test on Monday." Then this is how that plan went down:

 One episode comes to an end. YouTube, then gives you suggestions on what else you could watch--> related videos that is... Now, if YouTube is telling me that there is other things to watch, can I ignore the request? the answer is Obviously, No!

( See how social media is to be blamed for the wrong choices young adults make?)

Anyway, so I watch another and then another and another.. and then finally at around 12 am I glance at the watch shocked! Where did my 5 hours go???

I tell myself, calm down - student life is all about gaining knowledge about the world around you and all I did in the last 5 hours was immerse myself into Indian Cinema studies. This will be useful one day! My parents always told me that do something you like and then work will be enjoyable and you will be successful! I'm a good girl and I always have listened to my parents and why should this be an exception?

But other side of my brain wakes up and tell me..
 Umm ..that is all fine and dandy but the test on Monday is on Stats and your major is actually Neuroscience & Psychology so how is cinema study going to help you on Monday?

Well, First of all.. you have to look at the bigger picture and not just Monday.
 This is all linked you see.. I can always study the effect of Karan Johar's talk show on the brain and what kind of  neurotransmitters are released.. essentially an addiction study.

 I could be the sole subject a, get research grant to do this study and Bingo!! I get paid to watch Koffee with Karan!

.. I can clearly visualize, Karan Johar introducing me
" Our next guest tonight is a pioneer, linking Bollywood with Neuropschology, please welcome, the dashing, the ravishing, the talented beauty with brains, the none other than....  "
I start day dreaming some more... Then I can't help but imagine what the rapid fire round would look like

KJo shocked and surprised at my answers!

Very quickly then -
-Janelle LeBoutiller or Konstantine Zakzanis, which researcher would you collaborate with on your next project"
- Dr. Zakzanis! He is a genius and he is cute! Sorry Dr. LeBoutiller..
- Neuropsychology or Biological Psychology, where would you like to see your next paper published?
- Neuropshycology, hand down!

It wouldn't be so scandalist in Bollywood but you trust me it would be super scandalist in the scientific community and it would raise eye brows all around!

I glance at the clock again and it is 1 am! Now that I have convinced myself that I'm actually dedicating my life somehow to science and Hindi cinema, I feel very calm! It is very important to be honest to yourself.. and then I start watching the next episode.. all in the name of science.

Before you judge me remember I was an young adult back then, with an impressionable mind that could be easily molded by tv and Hindi cinema (Remember, I mentioned when in doubt blame Hindi movies to be the root cause of problems in a previous post? It always works!)

Anyway, Johar is now in his 4th season of his show. SRK has made about 10,000 appearances. K.Jo has gone from flip cards, to Samsaung tablet to Samsung phones for his rapid fire rounds and I just binge watched 4 hours of KWK!

Well this time I'm blaming it on Canadian media.. if only this show was telecast here on a regular basis I wouldn't have had to binge watch the show, my adult responsibilities would have been taken care of. My house would have been sparkling clean, I wouldn't have had  popcorn for lunch!! Just saying... am I wrong?

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9 things I learnt from Shah Rukh Khan :

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1. Identify what people might thing is off about your upcoming film.

(Example : Romancing a 20 year younger actress and pretending to be same age as her)

2. Then be sure you address it in a humourous way, before anyone else can on national television.


3. Throw in a hint of arrogance and conceitedness here and there in your interviews. Adds to the whole glamour quotient.
(Example: In a documentary on yourself show a footage where you are telling someone that no one has achieved as much success as you in last 20 years in Bollywood... or casually mention the books written on you).

4. In the next scene in the same documentary tell people how success has humbled you!

5. Say really deep things once in a while like : "I always leave a part of me in the movies I make. So one day I'm afraid I'm going to wake up and have nothing left to offer."

6. Then within a few days of sharing such depth -   make a movie like Chennai Express!!

When media asks what was the point of this movie? Just cooly reply, "Entertainment. I'm here to make people happy and smile"

Don't you dare ask questions like - who are these people you are referring to? He might just point you at the box office success and you might feel like a fool.

7. If International media is asking this same question, change your answer a bit and say :

" In third world countries like ours (Yes, remind people- in case they forgot) , our dreams are much smaller, which is why we are not making movies where we are saving the earth from  meteors yet! Having a home, a job and settling down are dreams many of us are chasing. So the movie is a larger than life experience for those people."

8. If they ask you further, why Bollywood movies are mostly musicals answer like this:

First update the interviewer on how, it is slowly fading away.

But then, refer back to your previous answer and then say stuff like how in our culture there is at least one person in the every family who can sing , how it is such a an integral part of out culture.. or say you are selling easy escapes to lower middle class people in a much much nicer way!

(Really?!!? Yes, don't you remember dancing and singing randomly for you crush in college?
)

9. Work hard and say I love you to everyone you meet.

He is a self made man and he worked hard to get there no doubt about that. But it is very interesting to see how people of his stature handle questions from the media and I thought I share my observation. Well he himself said, " Love me or hate me but you can't ignore me! " - Right you are SRK!

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